Wow, what a year! It's been busy, hectic, scary, a lot of fun, and just HAPPY.

FurCons: We went to Further Confusion this January- with just barely-completed dragon heads and tails- had a blast, got lots of photos, shot video and laughed ourselves sick at the Adult Dragon Panel. Damn, that was fun. Let's do it again! Went to Califur in June just before our wedding, too- more furry fun and happy scritchings! Rawr!

The Big Move: I got that visa to enter the States, and finally, in April, we drove from Vancouver to Winnipeg to pick up my already-packed gear, stuff all of the into a teeny U-haul, get a protesting and drugged feline into her carrier, put some kind of a cap on my f***ing nerves for the border-crossing, say goodbye to everyone back home... The drive was long, tiring, beautiful in places, Diva cried a lot of the way until we allowed her to continue the ride under my seat, where she cried less and occasionally did the "vampire kitty" thing, only coming out to view the scenery at night. Note for future reference: THE DRUGS DO NOT WORK. poor kitty was still upset, panicked and generally loud for a good amount of the time, dear thing...

I take it as an omen of good that the first bird I saw on the other side of the border was a Bald Eagle.

I have pix, but I dunno where the heck they went. Drat.

We lived together happily, if nervously (awaiting a certain interview), getting our stuff together, preparing for the Big Day...

Wedding: I dunno how the heck we did it. Really. It was gorgeous, we had friends come from all over, including one lovely soul all the way from Britain, I managed to get our wedding-outfits made, along with our wedding bands, these funky dragon torcs we had our hearts set on (glitches with those- they later had to be re-built, dangit)... We looked f***ing AWESOME. Rich blue silk, and velvet, beadwork, and long strands of precious-stone garlanding our necks in the Old Style of the medieval era. We even had Renaissance music playing over loud-speakers, one of the visiting relatives had brought her flute, so she played for us while I made my entrance, we had a medieval feast (I planned much of the menu, even supplied a recipe for leek soup that went over well), drank mead and had much genteel hurrah. We were mostly older folk, so a big whoop-up wasn't gonna happen. But I did get to enjoy the majority of the mead- greedy dragoness likes her honey wine... *chuckles* I have some sweet pics, if anyone cares to nose through them:

Here's the concept-sketch for our wedding outfits:

The torcs and wedding rings I made for us (yes, they're silver):

In full regalia as the King and Queen of the Fae:

As our dragon selves, just for fun:

Playing up the snooty King and Queen thing:

Art: been trying to go full-time on the art and costume/clothing-design, but it's been a slow slog getting me up to speed. I seem to stall if allowed to do anything else (like going camping)- I have to "boot up" again to get anything done. Working on that, but at least, it seems to be happening a little less as time goes on. Been getting a fairly steady list of commissions going, too, which is nice, and people seem to like my plush-toys. :)

The "Interview": finally, we go to get that final interview done with- the one where we get asked various questions that really mean squat and we hopefully get my status upgraded to Resident and receive my Green Card. Did you know, the stupid questions that they asked in the seventies are STILL on the danged interview list? Like THIS little gem: "Are you a member of, or affiliated with, the Communist Party?" My answer? "McCarthy's dead, and so's the Cold War..." I actually got a laugh out of the guy- that was pretty cool. He later gave us the little piece of paper that signified my change in status, and we find out he was the Director himself! Oop. My flippant answer could have borked things with a fellow of lesser humour...

Breathing a sigh of relief, I've been slowly getting my work-space settled, organized, and arranged for making the neat stuff the folks on FA have been growing to love, and I'm planning my table display for Further Confusion this January. :) Got my spot in the Furry Marketplace, I'm still waiting on the notification on my panel in the Art-Show, and I'm nearly at my goal for jewelry for my table. Now, I should concentrate on the art-prints, my submissions for the Art-Show, and some clothing designs that have been burning their way through my brain.

That's all for now, folks, and hopefully, I'll remember to update this thing a little more often!

WEEEEEEEE! My KaniS got a special email yesterday: my fiancee visa application has been approved! *bounces around, chirping, cheering and else-wise acting completely loopy* I'm on my way to becoming an immigrant and KaniS' wife! RAWR! Now we just have to wait (ugh, more waiting) for the appointment for our "interview" at a Consulate in Canada, somewhere, not sure which one we'll have to go to, or if we get to choose where...


Ah heck, I don't freakin' CARE, it's pretty much approved! I can marry my KaniS!

*and that little niggle of worry: what happens at one of these "interviews"?* O_O

I know, DISTRACTION is needed... *goes off to work on some sewing and maybe designing her wedding-gown...*

Was in Winnipeg, briefly- missed KaniS the whole time- but I'm now back in the somewhat balmier climes of LA... :) Well, it's rainy instead of snowy, so I suppose that is to my benefit. I'm eagerly awaiting the explosion of bright green and blooming flowers in a few weeks from the soaking we're getting. Apparently, they have a rainy-season. :)

The wedding is still on, but the actual date is still up in the air- we have to wait for that visa request to go through. Hopefully, January will be the banner month. It's going to be a fun month, anyway- I'm going to my first fur Con! Further Confusion (izzit in San Diego? Can't remember) is going to be a fun time, and I have just under a month and a half to make some costumes! Yummy, yummy... My first fursuit heads will be lovely dragons- me and KaniS, of course.

KaniS likes his tech- he's my very own geek-squad- and he's gone and gotten me a laptop of my very own. Sweeet. Did a little arting on it- looks awesome. Now his latest thing is this system he's trying to get working- more RAM than I've ever seen, a nice, fat hard-drive with over 500 GB on it (I know that's not so large anymore, with terabyte drives out there, but damn, it's still roomy) all so he can put CS4 on it. Rawr!

Those of you in the know will recognize that name as the latest bit of software from Adobe. Biiig suite of programs, everything from the photoshop applications, to HD video software to animations. I'll be able to do flash icons! Cool...

But I'm gonna have to learn how to navigate around all of that 15GB of territory first.

Yay, for new toyz!

It seems I'm being dragged into the 21st Century, as far as tech goes. I'm learning how to use the computers that fill up KaniS's space. Heh. Mostly in art applications, but hey, it's a start and a far cry from the dragoness who had trouble figuring out a cell-phone (never owned one, so how would I learn to use one? I'm learning how to use 'em now). All this technology that folks take for granted... To me, it's a luxury I never could afford, while everyone I knew seemed to already find the stuff indispensable. I still can't afford any of it, but I'm learning how to use it, at least. :)

Now it's close to Christmas and I have a nice wreath to make, so later, all!

Hey ho, Murra here...  I understand Furanon is gonna have a birthday, soon (ack, STILL dunno how to put someone's icon on a page.  Jeez.  The way to do it for FA and DA doesn't work, here.  Yeah, I know someone told me how, once- can't remember it.  Argh, I feel stupid, some days) .  Happy birthday, guy!  May it be a raucous good time.  :D

Not doing anything of any real interest, at the moment.  Mostly getting info together for the Immigration Authorities and deciding what I want to pack for my trip down south in ten days.  I want to pack lighter, this time.  How to spot the inexperienced traveler: look for the one who can't move for all the luggage...  If I can't carry all of it by myself without help, I'm leaving it at home!

I'm making patterns for fursuit partials, and a cute stuffie folks on FA are bugging me to make.  Consider it done.  Had no idea how charmed people would be by Murra as a plushie.  :)  I plan to make it in a couple different sizes, as I've gotten requests for teddy-bear sized up to pillow-sized.  I like the idea.  And I have other concepts that would make cool plush toys, too.  I'll be offering them on a web-site called Etsy.  I have a profile there, and I'll soon be selling some of my wares on the site.  It's a cool place- go check it out: http://www.etsy.com

If anyone is interested, I've activated the prints option on some of my pieces on Deviant Art, so now folks can get post-cards, small art-prints, even mugs, with my art on them.  :)  I don't get much out of the deal (a piddly ten percent, but they're covering the costs to make the merch and it gets my art out there, for now), so buy lots! 

My own domain is still under construction, but expect news soon on how things are going.  I'll be offering art-prints, costumes and any other oddities that my brain feels like committing to reality.
(end shameless plug here)

I miss KaniS.  *pouts*  Ten days and counting down until I can be with him again!  Wanna cuddle with my love...

The weather is turning to Autumn here, and my usual sniffly reaction to the change of seasons is here like clock-work.  I'm only hoping that I'm not still sick when I go back to LA.  :(  *plans on eating a lot of oranges and taking vitamins*

Cheers for now!

Hey, folks! I've been busy this last while, no posts for apparently forever....

KaniS' visit in May was wonderful: he got to meet my cats, who seem to have given him their general approval, even Diva, the Queen of Aloof. My roomie likes him. My co-workers (no longer co-workers- more on that later) like him, calling KaniS "cute" (well, he IS). My fan-friends all cooed over him. Even my ex-boyfriend seems to like him, though he threatened to hurt him if he "screwed things up with her..." Silly nit- acts like my big brother and all that. Charming, if crude. :P

I'm currently in LA, actually, for yet another cuddly visit, and other than some minor stressing over how the Customs people were bugging me before I came down, and some silly whingeing from Kani's room-mate (it's his own particular art-form: nothing is ever good enough, people don't give him enough anything, and life is out to get him- rather sad, predictable, and really annoying to listen to for any length of time) things were pretty much perfect. I'm losing a little weight again (yay!) and I'm a darker brown than I used to be. KaniS and I have hardly been apart for more than a few hours at a time, which I don't mind, so far (yeah, I'm cynical about my tolerances).

About the job: my boss is a nice lady, but more than a little lacking in a few key areas. Thick as a brick comes to mind... I told her, in the interests of giving her fair warning, that I was going down to LA to be with KaniS for two months (that got somewhat truncated- explanation follows), and that I'd have to be taken off the schedule for a while. She interpreted that as I was quitting. Argh. So now I don't have a job when I go back to Winnipeg. Oh well, I don't hugely care, really, but I did like working there. She was part of the difficulty I got slapped with at Customs...

On to the Customs officials. I wonder if they carve 'em out of stone, or something, because I had the pair of THE most officious, narrow-minded, humourless, uniformed prats I'd ever had the displeasure of dealing with. These guys accused me of lying to them, planning on staying in LA to marry KaniS and essentially attempting to sneak into the country illegally! I told them, repeatedly, in several rounds over the next hour and a half, "Two months, people, I'm going down there for just two months. We want to test the relationship, see where any problems might be- you know, the mature thing BEFORE going off to get married? Yeah, I might end up staying, later, because I happen to be in love with the guy, and he won't want to move to Canada. I'm coming back on the 16th of September- I have a return ticket! Yeah, there's a visa application in my stuff- KaniS and I have been talking about getting married, you already KNOW that part- no, we haven't submitted the forms, yet. I only brought them because I wasn't sure if he might want them, or not..." On and on, repeat ad nausium until hair-pulling insanity.

Questions and more questions- how much money did I have (an impolite query in most circles, but apparently, not here)? How much did I have in my bank-account (another impolite question)? I told him about six bucks- he misheard and asked "six-hundred? Six-thousand? What are you lying about?" I replied, "I SAID six-BUCKS, sir. Six DOLLARS- I'm expecting a deposit of over three-hundred in a few days, not that it's any of your business... And please stop accusing me of lying to you- it's offensive." Did I have a job to go back to? Unaware of the misunderstanding with my boss, I said yes.

The guards asked for phone numbers, and not fearing any problems with that since they were just going to call my boss and KaniS, I gave 'em over without a twitch. Boss sez I quit, and the guard had used the number-code for the forms in his questions to KaniS, which any normal person isn't gonna remember (fiancee visa- that's what we thought the damnable forms were called), and Kani didn't know what the guard was on about- so now these gits think I really AM lying to them... Gah.

I was tired (and now getting angrily frustrated)- last-minute glitches and clearing up loose-ends like bills, paying my rent for the next couple of months to keep my space in the house, etc- so I got maybe three hours of sleep, after I was done packing and saying good-bye to friends and my cats. I was in pain- I have arthritis in most of my joints (it's moved to my spine, too- ugh), and so I was walking sloooowly, and with a limp. It was more than a little bizarre when the guard asked me to "...stand back from the table a bit- I wouldn't want you coming for me..."

"Uh, you DO happen to notice that I'm leaning on a CANE, here, right?" Dumb cod... So, with barely twenty minutes till my plane takes off, the guard sez he's doing me a favour (the cheek!) and letting me go down, but only for a month. I gave him my polite thanks, even though what I REALLY wished to do was discombobulate him in the most spectacularly-gory fashion I could imagine. I have to be back in Canada by the 15th of August- he even stapled in this little white card detailing that very tidbit of info, as if I needed a reminder that some unmitigated nit was an ass to me.

So, my trip was cut short, but I still got to be with my love. Over the last weeks, we've gone on romantic (and just plain fun) little excursions. We went for eye-poppingly beautiful drives through the mountains, and camped for a night in a magical forest. I swear, the very earth on Laguna Mountain was fairy dust- the reddish-brown soil actually glittered with tiny bits of the mica so common in the area.

We hiked along cliff-trails, apparently just missing meeting a rattle-snake- we'd been given the warning from another hiker, but we didn't see the snake, who was probably long gone as any sensible reptile would've done around clod-footed hikers. We were wowed by the misty views of mountains across the narrow valley, we almost obsessively collected pretty blue Stellar's Jay feathers, and spent nearly every minute holding hands and swapping the camera back and forth (he's better at action shots, and I'm best at the close and intimate pix).

We nearly got stranded on that mountain- his car-battery died- we got a boost from an obliging family. I guess watching "Red Dwarf" on his laptop before bed was a bad idea... On our way to their truck to get jump-cables, I finally found the hawk-feather I'd been hoping for. If we hadn't needed the boost, I'd never have found that little prize of my weekend.

Throughout all of that, we got a round zillion gorgeous photos (some of which are going on my art-sites). I even tried my podgy best to body-surf in the ocean waves. I'm sure I looked pretty silly, but it was grand fun. I did get a little sun-burnt, though. And in a pond at Franklin Canyon, the nature reserve where KaniS works, I got to see an amazing albino carp the length of my arm scare the piss out of the other fish (who swam off at the earliest, including a big golden-orange koi grown to Brobdingnagian proportions- the Moby Dick of carp was BIGGER, by the gods), hike over the trails there, and got more pretty pics of montane flowers and birds- even a few of those adorable wee lizards who moved so FAST...

Back in San Diego, we decided to grab some food before picking up his room-mate. It was hot and I didn't feel like a heavy meal, so I suggested sushi. While eating some very good vegetarian suhi rolls (well, I had some fish- I'm not a devout veg, though Kani pretty much is), I picked up a little card on the table that detailed some of the different varieties. Looking over some lovely things I'd like to try another time, I noticed one of the pictures was labelled "Kani- crab"... I had a giggle at that and shared it with MY Kani, telling him about the times people had tried to pronounce my name (Terrakian) and got "Teriyaki"- so we were "crab and sauce" in Japanese...

I got to experience my first roller-coaster ride (intense- Tatsu kicks dragony tail) at Six Flags outside of San Diego, and while standing in line for that, felt my first earthquake... Very small, at least out where I was- felt kind of like I was on a suspended platform rocking in the wind. Apparently, it was centred in LA and about a six on the Richter Scale- I could have had the scare of my life, if I'd been in Kani's apartment. In any case, Tatsu wowed me more- that big drop near the end, upside down... Yikes. Loved every minute of it. We started the day on that dragon, and ended it on it. Went home, tired, hot and still snuggling with my man.

As for those pesky visa forms- he sent them the first week I was there. So now we just have to wait for a silly government acceptance that I'm gonna be moving down there. After all, I do plan to spend a good chunk of my life with this fellow. I'm not too bummed over leaving Winnipeg, though- I'm leaving some friends behind, sure, but family isn't an issue, since we never talk, any of us (though they'll still get invites to the wedding), I'm now unemployed (darn woman... grr), and there just isn't much else really keeping me there. The place has had a stagnant feel with me for many years- it was never the city I needed to be in to make my life. Hell, I couldn't seem to get a decent job, most of the time. Maybe there will be more, and better, opportunities for an artist/costumer/writer in LA... :P

Regarding that- I'm buying a domain name so I can build my own web-site to showcase that art. In the near-future, look for www.alien-eyes.com My art, clothing and jewelry designs will be shown and offered there. I'll still keep my accounts on the art-sites that are currently hosting my stuff, but you'll actually be able to buy my work from my own site. And there will be little tidbits and sillinesses that I sometimes make for fun that might not show up anywhere else. I may see about starting a web-ring, too- there are things I find out there that are neat and I'd like to be able to advertise them. It might just be a page of "Cool links! Go here!" sort of stuff at first, but we'll see.

Now on to the important bit- Kani had sent the forms, as I'd said, so he's of course proposed. *Purrs happily...* He knows my answer, of course. It was really a done deal, as we'd been talking about it for a while already, and there was never any actual romantic, down-on-his-knee thing, but sneaking off to visit various jewelry stores to look for a ring was sweet on it's own. :) He did make a point of finding romantic places to take me, though- we went to a special place he likes- a gorgeous little cliff in San Diego (there are a number of these places special to him- he used to live there while in college) where we could watch the surfers ride waves and see the sun set. Turns out, it's a popular place for couples... He was a tad disappointed about the unexpected crowd- he remembers the site being a little more private than what we found. It's a little hidden area, kept aside as an environmental preserve, and so it's not advertised by signage or the like in order to keep the visits down. I didn't care, it was a wonderful spot to chat, cuddle and take some lovely photos...

He's found me a gorgeous engagement-ring, and is waiting for it to be shipped (it's in New York). He knew I didn't care for diamonds, and that other gems got my eye, instead. So it's a silver ring (who needs gold?) with opals on the band and a lovely, triangular, brilliantly-cut topaz-coloured stone (no, it's not a topaz, just looks like one- quartz is just as cool, in my opinion) in a really pretty Art Deco-styled setting. I imagine our actual wedding bands will be the more traditional gold, but this ring suits me more.

We'd been looking for a pretty ring- opals being the first choice, as it's my dragon-colour and means more to me than a diamond would. And I have nervous reactions every time my Kani tries to offer me something expensive, so I was hoping for that miracle; beautiful, meaningful, and you won't have to mortgage yer car for it. :P I think the traditional engagement rings are too coldly garish and over-priced by far, anyway. I felt this piece was a great compromise between beauty and cost.

The store we found it at is definitely going on my list of places to use as suppliers for my jewelry designs. They have silver wire in bulk, beads at rock-bottom, wholesale prices, and really neat pieces of the widest range of materials I've ever seen outside of Quartzsite in Arizona. That, and the staff were helpful, totally lacking in snobbery (I'd often felt more than a little out of place in some of the more "traditional" jewelry stores), and the owner personally spoke with us about getting the ring we wanted in the size we needed. They had the design I liked, but the one peice available was too small and couldn't be re-sized because of the rodium-plating over the silver.

He even gave us a lottery ticket- apparently, this is a thing he does on a regular basis- he buys up a huge number of tickets from the city lottery (it's sitting at 37 mil right now) and hands them out to customers in the store with the caveat that they throw a big party for his staff. Very cool old guy. Heck, with the way things have been going for me lately, I half-expect to be throwing that party in a few months!

I even spotted something I knew Kani's mother would probably really like- she collects frogs and loves opals, too- there was this wonderful little pendant with a silver backing holding a carved quartz frog, with bright blue opal-chips set in behind so they can be seen through the water-clear crystal... It was beautiful, and amazingly cheap. I pointed it out to KaniS, who immediately bought it- he likes to get little gifts for his mom, often getting them for future birthdays or Christmas presents. Heck, I liked that little frog enough that I'd like to get one, it was so pretty.

There ya go, some new stuff, possible self-employment, and I'm engaged. Finally! Was beginning to wonder if this old spinster would ever get the chance. And hey, if we win that lottery, I'll be a millionaire- we'll definitely get that house built to our specifications, office, work-space, garden and all. Decent furniture won't be out of our range, either. *a silly grin spreads over her face as she bounces off to commit acts of silliness and goofery*

Hi ho, to those who care what I think;

It's been a week, now, since I got back from Los Angeles and visiting KaniS...  We joke that it was the longest first date either of us has ever had... Things went swimmingly!  We already knew we were attracted to each other, of course, but finally being able to be close and touch one another was wonderful.  We could say all the things with hands and eye that can't be said through a keyboard.

We did the usual touristy things- he showed me around his territory, then we went wandering around the town, went to Santa Monica (have a giggle- go for a barefoot walk in the waves while everyone around you is wearing sweaters!  The LOOKS I got...), had some wonderful food, visited his parents...  You KNOW it's official when he takes you to meet his folks.  From the very first night, we were a cuddly pair, nuzzling and holding hands ALL the time.  We must have disgusted everyone around us with the cuteness.

I left only reluctantly, and already we're discussing how I can go back, or possibly gritting our teeth while he waits for his passport so he can visit me.  Meanwhile, it's back to the keyboard, typing in our endearments and hopes for our time together.  We even discuss the possibility of having children (fairly low, but he's considering it), something that has been niggling at me of late.  I'm getting to be possibly too old to breed.  To have found love so late...  It's the only sour grapes in this whole thing, so far- the distance doesn't bug me much.  I know we'll be together someday.

Yeah, it's settled in my mind and in his; we're in love and it feels wonderful!  Yay!  *does a little chair dance*  If he pops the question (as I know he wants to- but in person) I'm jumping on it!

Dreams keep us flying

Albus >:~

Hey, pretty Asian!  Heard it's your birthday, coming up!  *gives you a hug and squishels*  Haven't talked to you in a while, how have you been?  Hope you get lots of cool notice and stuff- it's all about the stuff!  We're dragons, after all...

Wrsaith is a sweet dragon I met on Fur Affinity.  He found my art page and liked my stuff, commented on few things and found that we had a few other interests in common (VNV Nation kicks tail!).  We yak and share time (when we can spare it from work or school) and generally just work on the budding friendship.  Your a sweet guy, Wrsaith- many happy returns on your hatchday!  How's this for a cool thing; I have my mp3 player on "shuffle" and when I started writing this, it was playing "Old" by Machine Head and when I was halfway through this entry, VNV Nation's "Further" came up.  Wrsaith was the one who sent that track to me.  I love it when things dovetail like that.  Happy hatch-day, my Asian.  *hugs*

Dreams keep us flying- Albus  >:~

Guh, it's been a while- Furthling gave me a poke.  There, ya happy now?  Heh.

Hmmm...  Let's let the brain wander a mite.  I've been busy- work, new art, new people, new opportunities...  Got sucked into the maelstrom that is the Net- particularly two art-sites; Deviant Art and Fur Affinity.  I'm finding out that folks actually like my stuff.  That's... a surprise...  Even got two commissions within the first two months.  Even more surprising...

But what rocks my socks, is meeting people I can relate to....  Dragon-folk, art-nuts, folks into funny-animal porn (cutely called pr0n), fannish and odd, all.

And there's KaniS.  Sigh.  He runs (and created) a website called Draconic.com.  Not much for graphics, or pretty effects- he'd stuck to a plainer style, more intended for people of like mind to meet up- he'd even hoped folks could meet their loves through his site, too...  I joined up after someone told me about it (can't recall who), bounced around the forums, met some folks (mostly nice), made some beginning friends, waved my opinions around, like I usually do, and generally made a decent impression.  "Yup, she's opinionated, but she's not mean about it..."  I made no effort to seek out anyone in particular, just wanted to say hi to the dragon-folk out there and let 'em know I existed, that I was lonely, and available, as per one of the stated purposes of the site.  The webmaster who'd created it, looking for love himself, didn't come on much- he was a quiet sort.  I didn't think to try talking to him.  Never entered my mind, thinking that he was likely a bit elitist, as it's been my experience that folks who do these sorts of things tend to be like that...

Then someone told him about me.

Never once did I think it could lead to my meeting someone I now care deeply for, two people, actually...

The webmaster came looking for me on his own, e-mailing me, risking rejection and possible heart-ache by putting himself in my view- his name is KaniS.  We passed a few emails, friendly, and joking with each other, almost right off the hop.  We liked each other.  Cool.  A dragon-crazy just like me, and we were close in age!  Which had been a thorn in his side, too; he wanted a mate, but all of the available folks, male or female, were too young.  My problem, entire.  I wanted someone of my own age, or at least close.

Past the hand-shaking stage, we traded more emails (he introduced me to his room-mate, Royelle- we've gotten snuggly, too.  Yum), then IM's, began talking to each other almost every night, swapped photos, laughed at each other's pix (he's cute and very young-looking, I'm just dumpy), sent webcam images to each other, so we could see how we moved, and realized, somewhere in there, that we liked each other more than just a little.  That we found each other more than a little attractive.  The IM's grew more romantic, then steamy, then silly, and once we'd gotten that out of our systems, settled into gentle, loving notes where we planned to meet, my going to LA to meet him and Royelle (his roomie and close friend, now mine, too) in person...

The three of us care about each other (lust is definitely in there, too- yay!), we want to be together so bad it's putting a bit of a strain on things.  We're all a bit impatient with the process it takes for me to get anything...  KaniS has rarely had to wait for anything due to lack of money- that's never been a problem for him, to my knowledge.  He's never been hungry, or without a home, or has any idea what it takes (mostly time, gathering the funds) for someone like me to acquire even the simplest of things, some days.  I don't even take having toilet-paper for granted.

See, I'm POOR.  Rock-bottom, almost hungry, poor.  I've been homeless, more than once, I've gone without food, and not by choice.  I've eaten out of garbage-cans to survive...  I don't know anybody with money or power.  I have no contacts.  Heck, I can count the number of real, in person, friends (the ones I see on a regular basis and can rely on for anything) on one hand...  How the hell was I gonna get a passport?  I still go to food-banks, for crying out loud!

But, it's taken me months of digging out info, lining up the people I needed to talk to, getting passport photos, getting them signed... Did you know, in Canada, you need someone in a position of authority, a doctor or a lawyer, say, who personally knows you and can vouch for you, and they must have an active passport in the last five years?  Gods, who could I know who might fit that bill?  Took a bit of searching, but then I remembered my doctor- duh...  He's been my physician for over ten years- he surely knows me!  The big glitch was the money to pay for all the processing.  Had to wait and wait and wait for all of that, while my poor KaniS is getting impatient because he wants to see me (I'm hungry for him, too, him and his room-mate, Royelle).

So I got pix- the only photos of me where I actually look my age.  Gods, I looked bad...  Then, it took another month to lock down my doc and get him to sign the bloody things, then I find out about the "needs an active passport" thing- more hair-pulling, go look him up- phew!  He has passport...  Now, it's just a case of waiting for payday and a day off...

Meanwhile, I'm angsting over getting there, will I measure up, will he measure up?  Will we get along?  Are our worlds just too different?  I've never flown before...  how will I deal with that experience?  Where can I get some money, so I can at least pay my own way for some things, even though Kani and Elle have both said, more than once, that they'll take care of me?

I'm hearing of possible wait-times ranging from 48 hours to 13 weeks...  Average, two, if you go in person to fill out forms and wait in lines and blah blah blah.   Who knows?  I might be able to be with my dragons for Christmas....

Wish me luck!

                                          My Take On Magick, And What It's Not;

Was talking to a guy about magick the other day, and the stuff in the following is my response to all those silly gits out there who think they can impress people with their "powerful magickal abilities"- you suck.

Something that's often made me go huh?  I've noticed that a lot of people refer to magick as 'metaphysics', or they mean 'metaphysics= magickal or religious view of the world'.   And they'll sometimes refer to their attempts at spell-working to be in the same category.

Spells are NOT metaphysics- all metaphysics refers to is one's PHILOSOPHY of the world and how it works, sometimes from a magickal/religious perspective.  Spells are one's attempts at the MANIPULATION of that world, successful or not.  They are often based upon some philosophical thought, but are never philosophies in and of themselves.

I gave up on telling people about my magickal explorations, mostly 'cuz their eyes would glaze over from boredom, and they'd want to change the subject after a short time, either because they didn't understand me, or they thought I was loony.  Either way, they'd drop out of the conversation, start talking about their kids, their pets or the TV-show they'd watched the night before, sure-fire ways to bore ME into going away.

The only folk I've ever found who could stand a conversation with me on the details of (or be fascinated by) magick too often spent our interaction trying to tell me how cool and powerful they and THEIR spells were.

Right, and there must be a solid, magickal reason for why these guys, without exception, lived in crappy basement apartments, living hand-to-mouth on welfare or on shittier jobs.  One still lived with his parents at the age of twenty-three  (didn't move out until he was about twenty-six, either).  Another lived in the walk-in closet of a buddy's place.  He paid RENT for that...

Oh, and yes, almost all of them were male.  There were a few females, too; they were much like the guys- marginal-crazies who had no lives.  But, like I said, they were almost all male- must be something in the male mind; to impress, one must be powerful in whatever way they can convince you of.  It's usually money or physical strength, but magick will do in a pinch.

"Witch-wars" and "psychic attacks" occupied these silly git's time, when that time could have been spent using their supposed power to clean up their own lives.

I once was briefly involved (not in any sense except that I knew him) with a guy (the one who lived in the closet) who was the centre of a big load of that "witch-war" junk.  My even associating with this poor jerk got my room vandalized by the other dips involved.  And I wasn't- I just knew this tool on a peripheral basis- this guy was just a fucking ACQUAINTANCE.  What really burns my britches is when these assholes call themselves advanced enough to dare to teach this crap to people who are as naive and seeking/needing validation as much as themselves.  Bah.  Pathetic.

We're witches, maybe mages, but we ain't Gandalf or Dumbledore and this ain't no jumped-up D&D game, either.  We DON'T chuck fireballs at, or attack each other- that isn't what magick IS.  And I'm not gonna be sending pretty special-effects from my fingertips any time soon, no matter HOW hard I try.

First off, because energy just doesn't work that way, and second, it would be a waste of that energy to use it for pretty FX when it's supposed to be going into what you're wanting; making the universe notice you and changing probability to suit.  It's made up of small, subtle effects, messing with that probability and clearing garbage out of our psyches.  It's for healing, and drawing things you NEED into your lives, not for magickal pissing-contests for over-grown teenagers with no lives or social skills beyond "don't fuck with me, man, I'll ruin yer life with my l33t powers"...

Uh-huh, and these are the same people with few social skills beyond the basic, who often don't know what soap is for, and who are living on welfare.  Yet they expect me to believe they run businesses, are seriously-powerful uber-hackers, are related to whatever famous person, and have four degrees from whatever university... at the age of twenty.  NOT.

Or they try claiming that they ARE some 'famous' person- had one guy try to tell me he wrote a "Sailor Moon" episode- complete bull-pucky, since he didn't even speak Japanese.  Even pointed to an obviously Japanese name, claimed it to be a pseudonym and that he had a translator.  What I couldn't figure out; why the FUCK did this twit think I'd be impressed by a fucking cartoon?  And I'm sure the REAL guy who WROTE that less-than-stellar piece of 'art' would not only be peeved this loser usurped his cred, but the real writer probably was a sarariman who got paid a pittance for what the liar thought was so awesome.

Pathological liars do NOT amuse me in the slightest.  Why can't we use our obviously strong imaginations to actualize the things we want in life?  Use that talent for creative purpose, like writing?  As one guy on draconic said; "I'm using my 'fake' memories to write a novel."  He's always a chuckle- nicely cynical, even about his own experiences.

I feel strongly about this stuff...  Self-aggrandizement in the guise of being "witches and wizards" makes me snarly.  See, I never take anything anyone sez at face-value.  Too often it's turned out they were lying, or making up stuff in an effort to sound like what they think I think is "cool".  It's probably insulting to those who aren't full of shit, but I tend to see everyone as a liar first (not always, but most times), though I don't actually tell them this.  It's my filter against real life "spam".  :P

And that's what all this talk about being a thousand years old, or being some super wizard is all about; it's freakin' spam.  I have better things to do with my brain than waste space on jerks like this.  If I'm crazy when it comes to dragons, at least I can put them in the background a bit, or use them in my creative writing.

I don't like the status quo, but while it's the craptastic reality-view in control, I'm gonna keep a bit of a low profile.  So no telling the Muggles what I am, and no messing with their heads with my l33t powers...  Heh.

Maybe later I should look someone up to have a fireball fight...

I finally found out who did the art for my userpic!  She goes by the name of Mooncookie on deviantart.com.  Anyone who likes dragons, and dragon-art, has to check this lady's work out!  Gorgeous work...  her sense of colour is so delicate- just beautiful.  I'm running out of superlatives to describe this talented lady's stuff.  Her work makes mine look sad, by comparison.

Do-dee-do, brain on idle, as usual.

Been having some fun in a place called "draconic.com." The forums seemed dormant when I first got there, but now folks are talking again... Yay. Apparently, this sort of thing comes and goes. Maybe having a couple of new members is refreshing things a mite.

Encountering a couple of... interesting world-views. Some are completely barmy (to me), but cool anyway. These are folks with a deep-seated conviction that they are strongly connected to dragons; they want to be one, they believe they are one, they believe they're in contact with one. Like me. I'm one of them...

this is kinda long-winded, so get the rest behind the cut.

Went snooping around, looking for cool dragon pictures for my profile, and finally found some!  I don't know who the artists are for most of them (and two are over a hundred years old, so I won't care about those)- so there's a note on the pics asking for them to contact me, if they want me to credit them.  I'd like to- since some of the stuff I found was beautiful.